For fashion-lovers
20 unforgiveable Fashion Mistakes
1. Slogan tees
You might think “Life’s too short to dance with fat chicks” is a statement which showcases both your machismo and your cutting wit, and unfortunately, you’re right. But some people will probably think you’re a bit of a moron once it’s sign-posted on your chest .Sadly, one man’s brilliant social satire is another’s cheap, unfunny gag. Don’t draw attention to yourself for the wrong reasons.
2. Oversized jackets
An unfortunate Americanism, presumably borne of:
a) mum’s advice to buy a size larger so you can “wear a jumper underneath”;
b) trying to hide a paunch; or
c) delusionally thinking you’re in G-Unit.
There’s a reason why libidinous, moped-riding Italians get women’s juices flowing, and it’s partly the cut of their jib. If a jacket isn’t tight across the shoulders, don’t buy it. Oh, and leave the $99 leather jackets on warehouse clearance ads – baggy arms, giant lapels – for Eastern bloc mobsters.*There is no actual scientific evidence to prove this conjecture
3. Perpetual toplessness
You’ve got a rippling six-pack, an awesome tatt and a sick new nipple ring – why wouldn’t you want to show them off? Corey does it!It’s simple: unless you’re at the beach/pool, playing tip footy in the park (maybe), labouring or posing for a fireman’s calendar, 99 times out of a hundred it’s best to keep your shirt on.
4. Schoolboy haircuts
Getting the same haircut you had in school again and again is a bad idea. Unless you want to look like Gibbs from NCIS.
5. Highlights/frosting of any sort in your hair
Unless you’re a footy player, in which case it’s mandatory. Apart from screaming “I pay for the indignity of having foils applied to my locks”, it’s dated exceptionally poorly.A good haircut is just that – about the cut. Get a good (or at least, half decent) one and you’ve done all you need to do.
6. Wallet chains
What, are you especially vulnerable to pickpockets?
7. The wrong socks
You think no one will see. Or you don’t care – which is usually fair enough. But… white with a suit, hiking socks with dress shoes, odd socks; you’ll be sprung, mostly by women.Buy a pair of thin black socks for wearing with a suit, and sport socks for trainers – it’s easy, painless and profitable; the sartorial equivalent of turning off Gran’s respirator for the inheritance.
8. Man jewellery
A simple ring? Fine. Nice watch? Even better. A 2kg dookie rope and finger bling like knuckle-dusters? No.
9. Matching shirt and tie colours
Whether you like it or not, how you dress at work will influence how others see you. Want to be the safe, predictable, reliable bloke? Go for the matching shirt and tie combo. After all, what goes better with blue than blue, right?Want to stand out a bit? Like a fast-moving ideas guy who might even get a promotion? Ignore your mum and live a little. (Note: this is probably less relevant if you work for the ATO.)
10. Replacing worn out favourites with the exact same clothes
Admire The Simpsons for its comic genius, longevity and conversation obviating one-liners… not because Homer and co wear the same get-up year after year. If you’ve worn that shirt for so long it’s threadbare, chances are it’s no longer in fashion, or you’re wearing it in 90 per cent of photos for the past two years, like a slow child in a favourite Batman outfit.And remember: women have an otherwise redundant ability to recall everything you or they have worn, on what dates, and whom you met while wearing them. Let yourself evolve a bit.
11. Denim shorts
Some people look fine in denim shorts, and invariably, these people are women (primarily Daisy Duke, as originally played by Catherine Bach in the original Dukes Of Hazard, then improbably bettered by Jessica Simpson 20 years on).But why are you wearing them? Well, they’re durable. You wear jeans, right? So when it’s hot, you think, naturally, that these are the next best thing… but they’re not. Baggy surf brand ones are worst; at best, you’ll look like a footballer giggling through an appointed interview at the police station; at worst, a slob at Krispy Kreme.Instead, choose simple boardies (quick-dry for the beach, cotton walk shorts for the pub).
12. Fitness First backpacks
Do you love Fitness First so much that you want to give them free advertising? Or are you worried that they won’t let you in if you carry a non-Fitness First bag? They do nothing but draw attention to your desperate quest to shed the kilos. You’re better off with a nice leather satchel or a cool canvas hold-all.
13. Sporty sunglasses
They’re not always bad all of the time, but there is a time and a place. Well, three times and places, to be precise: when you’re playing cricket, competing in the Tour de France, or manning a lifesaver tower. Are you... doing any of that?
14. Wearing any form of tracksuit in public
Ducking into the 7/11 on a week-night to grab some salsa and Doritos? You might slip that one through. Going to the pub to watch the footy? You’re saying, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me,” but without the Steve McQueen looking-cool-without-trying bit
15. Ramones/CBGBs/Che Guevera T-shirts
Any cachet these T-shirts once generated by people who wore them because they actually liked the Ramones/thought CBGBs was a great club ever since they saw Debbie Harry there in May ’74/believed passionately in Marxism, has been eroded by every trendiness-craving arts student who’s worn one since. What Paris Hilton wears to be ironic. Don’t be fooled.
16. Squeezing into girls' jeans
Just to be clear: they’re girls’ jeans. They’re designed for humans without external reproductive organs and are therefore unsuitable for penises, testicles and the like.We know the cool kids have gone all pan-sexual these days – and if you’re a lithe, stick-thin, 17-year-old indie bassist, then carry on – but if not, sit awkwardly in a pair of these and you’ll be asexual in a heartbeat.
17. NBA basketball singlets on pale men
They look great on Nelly and six foot eight NBA stars. Pasty whities? Nope. Same rule applies to hip hop hair cuts.
18. Ripped jeans
So unfashionable not even Germans wear them. In fact, just go for fitted, monochrome, dark blue denim. You may have to try a few pairs – which sucks, and feels slightly emasculating if the shop girl keeps “helping” – before you find some that fit just right.
19. Wearing any old suit jacket with jeans
If you’ve decided the suit-jacket-over-a-tee-with-jeans is for you, think carefully about the jacket. An old suit jacket might work, but if it’s a battered, shiny, double-breasted hand-me-down from your two-sizes-larger accountant big brother, there’s every chance it’s not.To be safe, opt for a slim fitting, off-the-rack job in a dark colour.
20. Wearing your collar outside jacket
For tie-shirking defendants and IT guys at the Christmas party only. In GTA IV, this is how Niko Belic wears half of his suits – it’s Rockstar’s shorthand for marking him as a clueless (if awesome) fashion schlub.Think it’s a casually dressed-down look after a hard day at the office? It’s not. For a much better look, keep the tie on, but just loosen it a bit and undo your top shirt button.
Original taken from FHM Magazines
